Covet big numbers!
It's hard enough to get the C-suite to pay attention to social media, so ensure that you focus on the biggest numbers you can find. In most cases, this will be fans or followers. Don't worry about engagement, conversion, or the quality of your audience or customer loyalty. These kinds of metrics really only confuse the issue.
Treat social media as a magical ATM
Is your content shareable? Are your customers your advocates? Is there a positive dialogue around your brand online? Is your social network engaged? Who cares! Engagement is too wishy-washy -- you need some hard ROI. And if your customers aren't engaging with you, go right to paid media and skip owned content entirely. You can't waste your time worrying about the little stuff like building community.
Ignore the competition
Your company is as unique as you, and if you're going to get ahead it's best to ignore the competition. Competitive performance is just a distraction. And if you grew your audience or your engagement by 10 percent, it would only depress you to learn that your competitor grew 200 percent. And why set yourself up for those kinds of difficult feelings? You know in your heart that you're massively outpacing everyone. And that's all you need to know.
Demand only good news
Nobody likes a Debbie Downer, and we all want to be appreciated for our efforts and hard work. What's the point of doing all this work to not be the leader? So if your agency -- or anyone, for that matter -- tries to pretend like you're not crushing your marketplace, close the browser, or burn the printed report immediately. You don't want that kind of bad energy in your office, let alone in your mind.
Delegate social media only to the young -- and then don't support them
After all, if you can eat a pizza, you can make a pizza, so it makes sense to give social media over to the digital natives. Any one of them will do. They grew up on Facebook so they will know how to market your 100-year-old brand without any training, guidelines, or strategy. A no-rules policy inspires creativity and honesty, leading to gems like this.
And if you can't hand social over to a Millennial, you can just make it someone's second job and see what happens. How much time could social media require, anyway? It's not like there's over a billion people on it or anything.
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