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The definitive ranking of 25 horrible brand mascots

The definitive ranking of 25 horrible brand mascots David Zaleski

From the ugly to the racist and every strange stop in between, we've put together the 25 most outrageous brand mascots ever conceived.

25. Mr. Opportunity

For more than half a decade this bland, boring white dude knocked on America's TV screens promoting Honda's annual clearance event. The Japanese Tsunami prompted his retirement in 2011 after Honda's supply chain was severely disrupted. He knocks no more.

Image source here.

24. Joe Camel

Promoted by R.J. Reynolds in the late 80s, Joe Camel was a controversial cigarette mascot with brown skin, an elongated nose, and a mildly furry face. Features which I'm sure had absolutely nothing to do with his severe smoking addiction.

Image source here.

23. Chiquita Banana

I'm not saying that all cartoon representations of other cultures are racist, but when you're a North Carolina based fruit distributor who chooses your logo to be a Latina wearing a fruit hat, it looks a little strange. This mascot was ironically created in 1944 by the cartoonist behind "Hagar the Horrible."

Image source here.

22. Eskimo Pie

Haven't these people been through enough?

Image source here.

21. Bigg Mixx Moose...Pig...Chicken?

It's a bizarre animal hybrid rivaled only by the Turducken (and leaves a taste in your mouth equally as bad.) Created in 1990 for Bigg Mixx Cereal, this short lived product was pulled off the shelves in 1992 after Kellogg's realized that screams of horror are not a balanced part of this complete breakfast.

Image source here.

20. Chief Wahoo

Why is he so happy? Because at the moment, the entire Native American backlash is focused on the Washington Redskins.

Image source here.

19. Mac Tonight

Introduced by McDonalds in 1986, Mac Tonight is a smooth jazz singing crescent moon straight out of your nightmares. He was the spokesperson for a campaign to increase post-4pm dinner sales at restaurants. While he sang and played jazz piano, he was never depicted with a glass of alcohol. I guess McDonalds didn't want to send an unhealthy message.

Image source here.

18. Jolly Green Giant

Hulk here is currently the gigantic mascot for a brand of frozen and canned vegetables owned by General Mills. His extremely short jungle toga only highlights the fact that he's either very cold or painfully lacking in the jolly giant department.

Image source here.

17. Washington Redskins

I can't imagine the graphic design vision quest it took to create this and think everyone would be cool with it.

Image source here.

16. Kia Hamsters

These things are so damn creepy that I don't know whether to applaud Kia's bravery or go on a guinea pig killing spree. These human-sized fur balls from hell were introduced in 2011 to promote the Kia Soul, a compact car that's name perfectly describes the thing these creatures steal from you while you sleep.

Image source here.

15. The Burger King

Burger King created the latest iteration of its creepy mascot to promote its products, get people talking, and disprove the existence of god.

Image source here.

14. The Noid

This well-known Domino's mascot was created to be the physical manifestation of the annoyance of having a pizza delivered in under 30 minutes. He's half radioactive bunny, half 80-year-old man. Superpowers include manic jumping, delaying food delivery, and the ability to make mothers hide young kids.

Image source here.

13. Lemonhead

Stewie Griffin here has a variety of cousins courtesy of the Ferrara Candy Company including Grapeheads, Cherryheads, Appleheads, and Mellonheads. There's an entire army of these freaks whose apparent sole purpose is to boycott blinking.

Image source here.

12. Uncle Tom

No relation to Uncle Ben.

Image source here.

11. Aunt Jemima

Following our journey down racist lane, this lovable gal was first drawn by H. Gene Miller and has since gone through several -- shall we say -- revisions.

Image source here.

10. Mr. Six

I hate this jovial old man for reasons I can't even articulate. This creepy mute only lasted one year as Six Flags' mascot but has since become a pop culture icon. He was played by Danny Teeson, a young actor with horrendous elderly makeup, a passion for dance, and a pretty cool pick-up line to use at bars now.

Image source here.

9. The General

Winning my "worst use of animation" award in both the second and third dimension, this wannabe Wilfred Brimley graces some of the lowest quality car insurance commercials on TV. If you find yourself with nothing to do in the afternoon on a weekday, go ahead and scroll to any standard broadcast channel to say hi.

Image source here.

8. Krinkles the Clown

Krinkles is named after what your eyes do when you see him.

Image source here.

7. Happy

In 2014, McDonalds decided to make its products a little friendlier by introducing its new Happy Meal mascot, simply named Happy. Little known fact: Happy is also the last thing you see before you die.

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6. The Dairy Queen Mouth

When sex meets obesity, you get this -- a pair of floating lips that licks its way into the DQ logo after a montage of delicious food visuals. This Rolling Stone rip-off was a stop-gap measure after DQ retired Denise the Menace as its mascot because they thought kids couldn't relate to him anymore.  DQ's lips now serve as the #1 trigger for unearthing repressed memories.

Image source here.

5. Flo

Flo is on this list and don't pretend you're not happy about it. She's named after the icy thing in the artic we should put her on.

Image source here.

4. Quiznos Spongmonkeys

Two words which are freaking out my computer right now (no Microsoft Word, they are spelled correctly.) Quiznos adopted this internet phenomenon into its marketing in early 2004. They are dead tarsiers with human mouths, eyes, and pirate hats. Naturally, Quiznos thought saw them and thought "lunch", which makes sense if you've ever eaten a Quiznos toasted sub.

Image source here.

3. Wenlock and Mandeville

If Mike Wazowski from Monsters Inc. had sex with a Teletubby, this is what you would get. These amorphous metallic blobs were the mascots for the 2012 London Summer Olympics and Paralympics. Wenlock and Mandeville are also why I have trust issues.

Image source here.

2. The Country Crock Hands

They bickered, they touched, and they constantly flirted. I can only imagine where things led with all that butter-like cream laying around.

Image source here.

1. The first Ronald McDonald

Here he is folks, in all his original glory. Drink it in. Created and portrayed by Willard Scott in 1963, the very first Ronald McDonald has an equally terrifying commercial you should look up. With a box on his head and a cup on his nose, who would have thought he'd go on to become one of the most iconic mascots of all time. Until his massive popularity however, Ronald was exclusively broadcast in children's nightmares. Back then, the phrase "Ronald McDonald's House" had a completely different association.

Image source here.

"Realistic cartoon illustration of a blank hardcover book sticking out of a garbage can" image via Shutterstock.

David Zaleski is Media Production Manager at iMedia Communications, Inc.

On Twitter? Follow iMedia at @iMediaTweet.

David Zaleski is the Media Production Supervisor for iMedia Communications, Inc. and Comexposium USA. He graduated from Loyola Marymount University with a BA in Film & Television Production, specializing in editing, animation, and...

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