Want to know the real dirt on how buyers and sellers interact? John Durham rounded up eight industry heavyweights and asked them to take the gloves off. See what happened.

With the theme from "Rocky" echoing through a packed ballroom, Catalyst CEO John Durham introduced his contenders, each of whom trotted on stage wearing red boxing gloves for the occasion.

On the left were the sellers, each of whom controls the digital media that defines the web. On the right sat four media buyers who funnel increasingly larger amounts of brand advertising dollars into the space.

Referee -- aka moderator -- Durham asked only that the eight heavyweights not divulge client names -- a condition of an otherwise candid discussion -- and speak truthfully about the reality of the buyer/seller relationship.

None of the panelists disappointed.

"The biggest problem with the buyer/seller relationship is simply a lack of communication," Christian Arens, VP and director of digital strategy for the DraftFCB agency said. "In some cases, I think you see a lack of respect also creep into that relationship."

For Scott Witt, VP of creative at Denuo + Droga5, the respect issue appears even more widespread because of what he called a "lack of etiquette and decorum in the space."

That sentiment was echoed on the seller side by Adam Gordon, CRO of World Now, who complained that the niceties that had characterized online several years ago are quickly beginning to disappear.

"It used to be a much smaller community, where it wasn't so hard to get a meeting," Gordon observed. "It shouldn't be that hard to have face-to-face so that you can address some of these issues."

But for Jennifer Samples, SVP, director of digital marketing at TargetCast, the lack of etiquette has more to do with a young, under-trained workforce than the rapid expansion of the space.

"Let's be honest, there's an elephant in the room," Samples said. "When we talk about relationships, the problem isn't usually at this level. It's my junior people calling their junior people, and sometimes I look at my team and I wonder, 'What the hell are they thinking?'"

Samples, who said she makes a concerted effort to educate her staff, said many of her counterparts simply aren't doing enough to train lower-level employees about business basics.

But how widespread is the lack of communication -- and sometimes respect? According to Hugh McGoran of Platform A, the problem may not be as bad as many make it out to be.

"There are serial offenders here, some agencies are always a problem, but lots of agencies aren't," McGoran said. "Nine times out of ten, the relationship works."

As for the failing 10 percent, McGoran attributed a lot of the problem to poor time management skills.

But for the seller side, one issue loomed even larger than respect -- unrealistic requests for proposals (RFPs).

According to Helen Har, VP of Western ad sales at imeem, RFPs that aren't realistic place an inordinate amount of pressure on sellers.

For Gordon, the decision to respond to an RFP you know isn't realistic could mean risking all future business with that buyer.

"We're terrified to say no, because we won't get the next RFP," Gordon said. "But I think that if an agency would level with us and have some empathy, we would be more comfortable with difficult RFPs."

But that charge drew a sharp response from Carrie Lane, SVP at U.S. International Media, who confessed to sending such RFPs on tight deadlines.

"What you have to understand is that many of those RFPs come from real-time business issues for our clients, which means that we're working under the same set of difficulties," Lane said.

But for Har, increased empathy from buyers would go a long way to smoothing out the bumps inherent in the RFP process. As she sees it, buyers and sellers are more often than not in the same boat, which means that the relationship should be one of teammates, not adversaries.

As for reducing unrealistic RFPs at their source, Samples, herself a buyer, acknowledged that both sides need to do a better job of educating clients about what kinds of things are possible online and what forces need to be marshaled to accomplish those tasks.

For John Messina, director of emerging advertising sales at AWS Convergence Technologies, the client education question may be one best answered by borrowing from traditional media.

"The buyers like to think that the clients are their clients alone, but we like to think they're our clients too," Messina said. "I think the value of the relationship is critically important. We have become an RFP-type of an industry, but you don't do your best marketing and creative like that. And I think we can learn a lot from other media in terms of teaching all sides how this medium works."

Michael Estrin is associate editor at iMediaConnection.